There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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