sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
