I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I forget how to act sober
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
