I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize