Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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