I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
