I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
