Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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