goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
