just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
