You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
