Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
