history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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