The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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