Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
