I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
