Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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