she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize