You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
