do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
