Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
