so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
