I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she told me i tasted like america
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
