the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
