I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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