i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
