Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
