Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize