I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize