She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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