I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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