it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
