i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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