Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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