You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
