you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
