Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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