Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As shirtless as possible
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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