Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
