he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
