Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
