I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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