I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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