True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
