Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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