It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
