You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
