I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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