I cannot find my penis.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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