i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
