I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize