There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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