No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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