What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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