Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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