I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize