and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
