I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
