He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
