Swine flu. Run for my life!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
