I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize