How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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