i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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