I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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