Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
