Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
