I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
